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Top 10 Absurd Bills in the Philippines

Well, it has come to my attention that there are some ridiculous bills/laws that are or almost were a part of the Philippine constitution. While we realize that the job description of our politicians involves them making laws for the Filipino people, apparently, nobody told them that these laws actually had to make sense! Most of the laws in this list thankfully never got passed the proposal stage, but it isn’t really surprising to find us overwhelmed with laws as idiotic as the following:

Top 1: The Balato Bill 
The Bill: Grand winners of the megalotto will be required to donate 20% of their winnings to the government. 10% goes to housing. 10% goes to education.
The Why?: Ok we get 50 million php a year in pork barrel allocations what can we do to help out housing and education? Ahh! ask lotto winners to give a chunk of their winnings back to us!
The What?: If they didn’t promise “tax-free” lottery winnings to begin with, we wouldn’t even need to propose a bill like this. It would just happen.

Proposed by: Winnie Castelo, 2nd District, Quezon City

Top 2: The Anti-Planking Bill 
The Bill: Because planking was such a big thing back in 2011, and because it was used for political demonstrations a couple of times, the good congressman Winnie Castelo decided to ban planking for protest purposes. To his credit, he didn’t just ban planking wholesale, but a specific application of it.
The Why?: Planking is a trend. I’m a trendy congressman, so yeah!
The What?: Great! Lets play with the rights of people to address their grievances and reduce the freedom they are actually more than entitled to. Not only will we attack a symptom of the problem instead of the problem itself, we will even do it in the most childish and foolish way possible!
Proposed by: Winnie Castelo, Quezon City, 2nd District
Top 3: The Anti Selfie Bill
The Bill: People are not allowed to take somebody else’s photo without their permission. This includes selfies with other people in the background. Those other people are covered by this bill.
The Why?: So maybe I can gain fame in the internet if I propose this bill that might probably enhance privacy of the Filipino people.
The What?: Okay so people taking pictures of crimes happening around then helping the victims will now be considered a criminal.. The person who took the photo on the article on this link will probably be sued if this bill passed: GMA NEWS – EDSA ROBBERY
Proposed by: Rufus Rodriguez, 2nd District, Cagayan de Oro.

Top 4: The Anti Dildo Bill
The Bill: Anyone caught producing, selling, or in possession of dildos, vibrators, or other similar gadgets shall be penalized. Severely. Because these sex toys are corrupting the youth!

The Why?: So they probably thought that God gave the users hands to work with, ain’t that enough?

The What?: We applaud you for legislating morality! Heaven forbid that sexual pleasure be pursued just as much or more than sex for procreation! What part of “separation of church and state” do you not understand?

Proposed by: Irwin Tieng and Mariano Velarde, Party-list, BUHAY.

Top 5: A Quezon City Ordinance Against Comedy Bars
The Bill: Because the comedians in your typical Klownz and Punchline bars tend to revel in poking fun at its audience, a regulatory board must be formed to ensure that “unseemly, obscene, or filthy acts, lewd, or indecent, immoral, or insulting conduct” shall be kept an eye out for and penalized with fines and imprisonment for the comedy bar owners who allow these types of performances to happen.

The Why?: Can’t I just go to a comedy bar in peace and laugh at other people instead of having the host pick on me? The dude probably got picked on in a comedy bar.

The What?: Who defines what “unseemly, obscene, or filthy,” are? These are very vague words and people have thresholds of tolerance for edgy humor. If you don’t want to get picked on by comedians, maybe you aren’t fit to go to their comedy bars eh? Don’t even get me started on the story of comedian Ramon Bautista who got an earful from the politicians in Davao for his sense of humor.

Proposed by: Allan Reyes, 3rd District

Top 6: The Anti-Hammer Ordinance
The Bill: Well, since he wasn’t a lawmaker at the time, Mar Roxas merely suggested banning hammers, crowbars, and other hardware items inside malls.

The Why?: Martilyo Gang uses hammers, right? No martilyo, no gang! F*cking GENIUS!

The What?: Hammers are banned in malls, but they’re readily available in hardware’s? Yeah, that’s really efficient. What next? After banning hardware items, will this lead to the rise of the Baseball Bat Gang instead?

Proposed by: Mar Roxas, DILG Secretary

Top 7: Tax Exemption for Manny Pacquiao
The Bill: Manny Pacquiao, world champion boxer, singer, politician, and recent first round draft pick in the PBA, will be exempt from paying taxes for the rest of his life because jab jab hook straight.
The Why?: Manny is really having a hard time keeping his taxes in order! He brought so much pride to our country, we should totally let him off the hook!
The What?: Are you telling us that the guy who makes millions of dollars from his fights should not pay taxes while we Filipino citizens who never even see that amount of money in our entire life still have to give a third of our income for the corrupt politicians to fatten their pockets with? Doing this won’t prevent the IRS from running after Pacquiao tho.
Proposed by: Magtanggol Gunigundo, Valenzuela.

Top 8: The Dagupan Anti-Helmet Ordinance
The Bill: Anyone driving a motorcycle at 15 Kilometers or slower is required to remove their motorcycle helmet. Anyone on a motorcycle approaching checkpoints also has to remove their helmet. You are fined 200 for the first offense, 300 for the second, 500 plus imprisonment for the third.

The Why?: Well, apparently criminals on motorcycles use helmets to conceal their identity. We don’t want criminals on motorcycles running around.

The What?: Lets not even discuss how dangerous riding without a helmet is. Everyone knows that already (except the guys who made this law, apparently.) Considering how much people pay for their RFIDs in compliance with the national motorcycle helmet law there is an obvious conflict between the national law and the ordiance here, since anyone wearing a helmet gets arrested by LTO enforcers, and anyone not wearing a helmet gets arrested by Dagupan enforcers. F*ck their lives, yes?

Proposed by: Jose Tamayo, Dagupan.

Top 9: The Riding in Tandem Ordinance 
The Bill: Only spouses, parents and siblings will be allowed to be with motorcycle drivers. Riders must bring their proof of relationship such as marriage certificates and identification cards. Violators who are caught during the six-month trial period will be apprehended, the report said.
The Why?: So lets just assume that the criminal’s partner in crime is not a relative or whatnot. Go on arrest those people who are simply riding with a friend because they MIGHT be criminals.
The What?: Law enforcers don’t even know if the people committing these crimes are relatives. What if they are father and son hitmen?
Implimented by: Benhur Abalos Jr.

Top 10: Milk Nutrition and Labeling Act 
The Bill: Prohibits the use of the label “Fresh Milk” in the packaging and sale of pasteurized and processed milk.
The Why?: It is somehow obvious that the milk we buy in groceries are not literally “Fresh” from the udder.
The What?: Maybe the good congressman should have suggested a warning label instead?
Proposed by: Harlin Abayon 1st District – Northern Samar